Yesterday morning, I made a sweet potato with quinoa, 1/2 banana, and hemp seeds for breakfast. Then I proceeded to eat most of the whole thing, way past the point of when I was full. Within a couple of hours, I began to pay for my refusal to stop eating by getting a stomach ache.
For the next six hours.
I tried GasX and had two doses of Pepto Bismol, which usually does the trick. When that didn’t stop the pain, I grabbed a heating pad and lay on the couch for the rest of the day. By about 6pm, I was actually hungry, so I had a cup of butternut squash soup and some crispbread. By 8:30pm, I went to bed, exhausted from the stress of having hours of pain. When I woke up at 10pm to take some medication, I realized I had not posted my scheduled Thursday post and made a quck one to keep readers appraised that one would be coming.
Not only was today a much better day in comparison, it was a better day overall than how I’d been feeling earlier in the week. Maybe it was the sweet potato and the squash giving me an extra boost of vitamins A and C. I had enough energy to get showered, go food shopping at Fairway (new to me), have lunch, and then head back out to volunteer at PetValue for a while. I’ve also managed to eat dinner and chat with a friend before sitting down to write here.
And that’s even though I don’t feel great.
This month, I have become increasingly aware of how awful I feel and have felt. The problem has been that I have not wanted to admit it to myself. This problem is a lifelong one, rooted in childhood illnesses and the relationship with my primary parent. That alone is worth a post all on its own. Since I’m only recent aware of what’s been going on, I think I’m going to keep mulling it over until I get more clarity before writing on it.
The short of it is that I have been ignoring how I really feel. I haven’t wanted to admit it to myself so that I wouldn’t have to admit it to anyone else and make the necessary changes. It felt too much like giving up, like conceding defeat to myself as the Sick Kid. All I wanted to do was soar and be fierce. It’s hard to be either when you’re exhausted or running a fever.
Well, the good news is that at least some of my exhaustion has been from vitamin deficiencies that I am now working on addressing. Maybe I’ll feel better by summer? Ooooh, that would be tremendous.
Have a great weekend, everyone!