I am at my physical, emotional, and mental limits — and not in a good way. I’m overwhelmed in almost every capacity. I don’t think I am up to writing in this blog twice a week at this time. So I’ll be taking a blogging break. It doesn’t mean I won’t write. I might. But it might not be for a while. It definitely won’t be on my previously twice-weekly, Monday and Thursday basis. Cheers to you and your blogging endeavors!
I need a break from a lot of things and writing is one of them. With my magic wand, I would whisk myself away mentally to get a change of scenery.
I hung out with one of my sisters today. I drove an hour each way. The traffic was flowing well so it was an enjoyable experience. The trip wiped me out. Now it is time for bed.
I hope you’ve had a great day and that the rest of the week will be at least as good as it was today. Cheers!
To say the last 15 months have been difficult for my mother and the rest of the family is a gross understatement. I can’t think of anything more difficult than having to watch someone you love suffer in tremendous pain. It’s like being in one of those war movies where you are forced to watch the enemy torture and kill your best bud right in front of you.
Since August 2014, my mother has suffered with a fall, a concussion, a slashed forehead requiring stiches, a broken 5th metacarpal bone in her right hand, a partial cast that pained hand arthritis, worsening arthritis in her back, psoariatic arthritis, tooth infections that were escalated by an autoimmune drug she had been taking, dental surgery, nausea to the point where she can’t eat, physical therapy, MRIs, cat scans, XRAYS, multiple bouts of sciatica, and finally spasms that rocked her entire left leg, leaving her in excruciating pain.
We took her to the ER. That was a fucking nightmare. What she went through deserves mountains of expletives for the simple reason that a trauma occupied every single doctor for hours while my mother screamed in pain. For hours. Multiple times, I was a sobbing mess. At one point, I lost my cool and screamed into the ER for someone to please help my mother. Nope. No doctor. No pain management. All you other non-life threatening people problems can just sit and suffer. I’ve never heard of anything so atrocious. Last night, I felt an anxiety attack coming on so I took half a pill I got from my primary care. Five minutes later, I was sobbing.
Once my mom was admitted, the care was a billion times better. Four days on, she’s doing much better. My mom’s taking antispasmatics and pain meds. PT has come by and done some stretching. She’s had two MRIs, a sonogram, and an echocardiogram. From what we know so far, tightness in her hip and pelvic area is at a max and throwing her body out of alignment. She looks better even though she still has some pain. Tomorrow, she’ll probably be discharged with meds, an RX for PT, and a plan to get her out of pain. None of us know whether some of the back pains she’s been having were because of the tightening in the hip and groin that seem to have her body in a grip. We’ll see.
I moved back to my hometown a couple of years ago so we could be there for my mom when she needs us. I haven’t regretted the move for a second. I only wish she could be in less pain. Here’s to hoping that she’ll have a future with a lot less pain and more mobility.
For a variety of personal reasons, I am unable to write my normal post. I apologize for any inconvenience.
Hope you had a great day!
Since my diagnosis of fibromyalgia in 2008, I have tried several rounds of physical therapy, several rounds of pelvic floor physical therapy, every level of massage from light to deep tissue, light exercise to weight training. I had also been feeling good despite the pain and decided to take it up a notch. I started weight training in August 2014 because a sales person convinced me that stronger muscles would pull out the tight spots.
Except that my tight spots are not in the muscle, they are in the fascia. The fascia is a thin sheath of fibrous tissue that is found throughout your entire body. I have tight spots in my fascia in every section of my body from my head to my toe. I am in a considerable amount of pain. After a year of weight training, I ended up not being in less pain, but more. I had to quit when I pulled a back muscle that left me in tears and taking medication. Between the meds & massage, it worked its way out only to resurface when I pulled a muscle while laying on my side in bed.
The other day, I happened to see an ad in a newspaper for a physical therapy place that focused strictly on releasing myofascial pain with a method taught by John F. Barnes, PT. Unlike other PT I’ve had, Barnes’ system apparently uses gentle pressure held for much longer periods in order to completely release the spots. I have so many of them I think it will take someone a year to work them all out.
To some degree, I have given up. I’ve been on a couple of kinds of pain medication for years, but they’ve been working less lately. I either have to find another way or I have to change or go up on my pain meds. I don’t really want that. I want the pain gone and I want my life back! I don’t have a life right now. I can’t work because I can’t sleep well enough to be well rested. I’ve worked with this pain, and I was chronically and terribly exhausted all the time. It’s not a life, and it’s not fair to my employers because I’m limited in terms of energy and patience. I’m still often tired, but I have few stresses in my life. My biggest ones are my mother when she falls in or is in pain and the pain I live with.
Even though I felt hopeless, I sent out a couple of emails to physical therapists trained by John F. Barnes in his techniques. If I can be relieved of this pain, I can only imagine what it would feel like: like I’m floating on a cloud instead of the group. Please wish me luck!
As a professional procrastinator, I like to put everything off until the last minute. My experience with myself is that, if I begin working, I don’t know when to stop. I have tried to compensate by telling myself that I’ll do this thing for myself now and get to the work later. As long as I’m the only one I have to worry about, this is a fine plan.
The problem is that I am not the only one that I have to worry about. We don’t have kids so this is usually the case. However, I do have an elderly parent with pain issues that seemingly Will. Not. Go. Away. My mother has spent the last 14 months in and out of an excrucating amount of pain. My family and I have dropped everything at the last minute to see that she gets the care and medication that she needs almost every single month, sometimes for a week at a time.
Due to complications from an autoimmune medication that my mother was taking, she discontinued an otherwise effective medication. We didn’t really know how effective until she had to stop taking it a month ago. The medication continued to work for a few weeks. Into our fourth week, we now clearly see that it had been working more than we realized when a highly intense form of sciatica hit.
I called her doctors and picked up a prescription. My husband worked from home today so I could take a memoir writing class this afternoon. In my place, he called 911 to advise on my mother, had the prescription filled at their instruction, made lunch for my mother, and ensured my mom took her medication that thankfully worked within the hour. I felt better that she seemed to be in less pain.
After I came home from class, I checked on mom: sleeping. I had my own dinner and then got her up to take her medication again. My husband stayed with me, helping mom with dinner, clean up, and getting around. I set up a commode on the toilet my Dad used to use because it means she doesn’t have to bend down as far.
I wrote a medication diary so I can keep track of the pain meds that she’s now taking. She had mentioned she was chilly so I took her temperature, which was raised. I gave her an additional Tylenol only. We will check her temperature as well as ensure that she eats and takes her medication on an alternating basis.
I put a lamp in her room so she doesn’t need the bright overhead light. I set her up with throat drops, her phone, and water. She drowsed and I came up upstairs to our apartment to have some lemon ginger tea and write. As I sat down, I asked myself, “When are you ever going to learn? When in doubt, write.”
The next time I plan to take a trip, I will be sure to write my blog post in advance. As of now, I am running out of brain power and time to give you a decent blog post.
This blog will return to its regular schedule on Monday, October 5, 2015. May you be spared hurricane rains. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.